A better way to talk about your work

Harry wrote an ad:

Dollhouse for sale.

He got two calls, both of which ended very abruptly when he told them the price. So he wrote another. And when that one failed, another. And four more. Ten more.

He’d heard of split testing, so he mixed it up a bit:

Teak dollhouse for sale.

Hand-crafted dollhouse for sale. 15 rooms. Furnished.

Dollhouse, 1 metre x 0.8 metres. For sale.

For sale, well-made dollhouse with fittings.

Et cetera. Et cetera.

Eventually, Harry admitted to himself that while he was a champ at building dollhouses, he was pretty crap at talking about them. So he hired Tara, a copywriter. Tara came over to his house to look at the dollhouse.

Tara’s mouth stayed open for the entire forty minutes she spent with the dollhouse. Tara told Harry to get some professional photography done, and she’d get the ad written. As she left, Tara said, “Thank you for letting me play with it.”

The final ad started like this:

This is the dollhouse you dreamed of when you were young, the one that only seemed to exist in Hollywood. It is incredible.

All fifteen rooms are furnished, with small-scale versions of the real thing. Tiny woven rugs, a tiny bath with tiny taps that produce warm water – use the tiny bottle of bubble bath, if you like. Perfectly carved wardrobes full of hand-stitched clothes for the residents, with a tiny clothes brush in case they get dirty playing with the chests of fascinating junk in the attic. A hundred tiny books in the tiny library, every one of them readable if you have a magnifying glass.

You can claim you’re buying this for your children if you like. But no-one would dare say that it’s inappropriate to play with this dollhouse. This place is the purest source of delight and wonder you will find this side of heaven.

Look, the tiny doorknobs turn!

The moral of the story

It doesn’t matter how magnificent you make something if you don’t market it competently. Because no-one will know, and so no-one will care.

That’s horrible, you say. Tell me how I can avoid this trap!

We all know the basics (know your niche, make it about them instead of you, only talk to your Bestest People), so here’s a tip you’ve never heard before.

Talk about abstract products in concrete language, and concrete products in abstract language.

When I’m working with service providers (especially coaches) I make them describe their benefits as if someone was trailing the client with a video camera. So instead of saying, “They feel more confident,” – ‘cos the camera can’t see that – they describe the results as, “They offer their opinion more readily and without apologising. They stand up straighter and make better eye contact. They initiate conversations with strangers.”

And when I’m working with crafters, copywriters, web designers and artists – all of whem produce a physical result; electrons count – I get them to talk about their results in terms of feeling and meaning. So instead of describing their work by saying, “It’s a 17″ x 11″ oil painting of two girls swimming” they describe the piece as “It’s that perfect moment with a friend that you don’t think is important at the time, but it becomes the way you think of them for the rest of your life.”

Of course, what everyone ends up with is a bit of both. And that’s the point! I want to know precisely what I’m buying (three hour-long consulting sessions/a home page redesign with two revisions) AND I need to know why I care (I will quit smoking for real/I will have the feeling of power and possibility that comes from a great-looking website).

Is your description entirely abstract, entirely concrete, or both? Tell me in the comments!

P.S. If you want more juiciness then sign up for Mo’Cash, Mo’Joy, the Cash and Joy newsletter. You’ll get more insights every week AND a free 30-minute Marketing Check-up.

Creative Commons License photo credit:

  • http://kirstyhall.co.uk/blog/ Kirsty Hall

    Oh great, I want a dollshouse now!

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    That is NOT the message you’re supposed to be getting from this. :)

  • http://kirstyhall.co.uk/blog/ Kirsty Hall

    But, but the little taps and doorknobs that turn…

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    I KNOW. And the teeny tiny shoes! And the little plates!

    *ahem*

  • http://www.createasfolk.com Laura Simms

    Love the mix of abstract and concrete. Good to hear it framed this way. Thanks!

  • http://www.inspiredwish.com Jeanie

    …I’m with Kirsty. Where do we get the doll house?!
    Your point is very well made. I think this is what is missing from my product descriptions. I cringe when I write ’4 blue beads’. People can see and count to 4, they recognise it’s blue. I need to chant ‘doll house and tiny door knobs that turn’ next time I’m writing descriptions.

  • http://kirstyhall.co.uk/blog/ Kirsty Hall

    I saw some stunning dollshouses in Amsterdam, you’d have loved them. One was so big, you had to climb a stepladder to see into the attic.

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  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    You’re welcome, Laura. :)

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    Yes! Tell me what outfits this goes with, what occasions it’s for, how it feels both in terms of tactile sensations (the delightful smoothness of enamel!) and being-the-sort-of-person-who-wears-this. Tell me if this is for days when I need to be creative, or for when I want to impress the in-laws.

    In short, make me see it in my jewellery box and in my life.

  • http://thesocialcaterpillar.com/ Kathryn Hunter

    I have just decided to make a step by step list of what to do when it’s time to sit down and write copy. Click this link is step one.

    As an aside, I got a bit ruffled when you said you were going to be starting a new site. I got so much joy from reading Be Awesome Online.

    Ahem, I would like to state for the record, Damn, girl, I had no idea what I was missing. Also, you are fucking amazing and reading each new post on here makes me all tingly to where I *have* to go and accomplish something.

    That is all. For now.

  • Bridget Pilloud

    Christ on a cracker, you’re awesome.

  • Tori Deaux

    I have to agree. And it’s a pretty darn awesome cracker, too.

  • Anonymous

    This is a great post. You said it so eloquently :) Doing the dance of happiness as I read your description.

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    See? I know what I’m doing! :)

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    Thank you, shiniest darling!

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    Thank you too, dearestest. :)

  • Kathleen Warner

    beautiful! It makes me think about my dollhouse as a kid. Great message and insight Catherine. Thanks so much. Kathleen

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    Thanks, Tricia!

  • http://www.louisescott.com.au Louise Scott

    I always wanted a dollhouse like this! A cupboard in my wardrobe and a whole lotta creative daydreaming must have contributed to my skillset these days, but it sure felt like I was missing out at the time!

  • http://www.effindiets.com Karen Paritee

    Jeanie, you are so right. The copywriting mantra… “and tiny doorknobs that turn.”

  • http://www.effindiets.com Karen Paritee

    No wonder you got the PostRank that you did. (Who the hell made 1-3?!) I always know that here I’m always going to get the juicy story and then the juicy comments, and then some awesomesauce on the juice.

    “Tell me what outfits this goes with, what occasions it’s for, how it feels both in terms of tactile sensations (the delightful smoothness of enamel!) and being-the-sort-of-person-who-wears-this. Tell me if this is for days when I need to be creative, or for when I want to impress the in-laws.

    In short, make me see it in my jewellery box and in my life.”

    What – another- excellent way of helping us help our BP.

    (How can spell check not recognize “awesomesauce” yet?)

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    You’re welcome, dearest. :)

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    I always wanted one too, or my neighbour’s Castle Greyskull. (He had He-Man AND Man-at-Arms and everyone.)

  • Stacey Brown

    I worry that my descriptions are too much of one, too little of the other. I don’t know if it’s my past life as a journalist creeping in on my current work that’s affecting that writing, but I feel like if I try to use feeling and meaning, it’ll sound too pretentious.

    And that’s a really long sentence that I hope makes my point.

    Awesome post, Catherine…another one worthy of the bulletin board :)

  • Lynn Alpert

    Thank you for this post, Catherine! I’m still working on my website copy and your juiciness is slowly getting through my hard outer coating and seeping into my soft, gooey center!

  • Anonymous

    I have this problem, my clients have this problem. Artist/crafter feel better when you tell them to describe how they want their clients to feel. They write much better product descriptions.

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    Change up the medium for a while, maybe? Talk out your content and THEN write it?

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    YUM.

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    They do indeed. It’s nice to have a simple rule for it!

  • http://www.cluttercoachblog.com Claire

    Ah, you told me this on the phone last week, but I don’t think I quite got it. Going to put on my re-focusing client visualizing goggles now… BTW, I want to LIVE in this dollhouse; love the colors and the silly joyfulness of it!

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    Me too, doesn’t it look charming? :)

  • http://www.storyhousecreative.com Laura Scholes

    Even as a writer who kind of knows this stuff, this was an awesome post. I’d never thought about it in exactly this way (which is the beauty of blogging and of your posts in particular). Rock on.

  • Anonymous

    And the tiny little clothesbrushes for when you get dirty playing in the tiny little attic! (and for the tiny little cat hairs from the tiny little cats)…

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    Ooooh!

  • https://CashAndJoy.com Catherine Caine

    That is the loveliest compliment I’ve gotten this week. Thanks, Laura!

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