Katie was a coatmaker and she opened a stall in the market to sell her beautiful wares. Dressed in her favourite morning coat – portwine silk with brass buttons – Katie stood outside of her stall to attract new customers. She addressed the passing crowd about the history of the garment, from Persia to the…
Category Archives: Marketing
Recipes versus frameworks
Bill was a truck driver for thirty-seven years. He enjoyed his job, but he was grateful when he retired and suddenly had the time to do all the things he’d meant to get done but never had the time for. Thus we find Bill at the bookshop, looking for books on making bread. He found…
One intensely irritating and totally vital question
The Jester-Alchemist put on her jingly bell hat and went to the market. The pest guy He’s a bright-eyed Latino guy with a warm smile. His stall is piled high with strange boxes and one sign that reads “Low Cost, Cruelty Free, Environmentally Friendly Pest Control For Your Home”. The Jester-Alchemist sauntered over and smiled…
The bestest tool in my marketing toolbox
You’re walking through a crowded farmers’ market and you see someone you vaguely know, sitting in an overstuffed tapestry armchair in front of my Arabian Nights tent and gesticulating wildly. I’m curled up in the other chair, listening intently. (Intently. In front of a tent! Ha ha!) You sneak in and eavesdrop. “Hello lovely, what’s…
No-one buys quality. No-one buys clarity.
I don’t give a tin shit about quality. I care about it lasting long enough to become an heirloom. I care about not having to buy a new pair in three months. I care about looking good in front of the other baby shower attendees. I care about saving money. I care about not looking…
How NOT to treat your website
You really want to make a great impression, and so you go all out. First you go to the dentist and get your teeth cleaned, every crevice blasted until your teeth literally squeak and your mouth feels oddly alien. White, gleaming great-breath smile: check. Then you move on to the hairdresser. The very latest colour,…
When the truth doesn’t matter
Imagine that you’re sitting in a committee meeting and a parcel is delivered. Delighted and surprised, you open the wrapping… only to discover that the parcel is a bomb. A bomb with 00:02:14 on the counter. Yikes! Clearly, there’s no time to bring in anyone else. It’s you and the other committee members, who have…
The 100% effective guide to specifying your audience
I’m strolling by and I see you moping at the side of the road, with a blue helium balloon tied to your wrist. “Hi there, sweetie,” I say. “What are you looking so glum about?” You pull the balloon down by its string and show it to me. On its side in yellow letters it…
How to get face-meltingly amazing clients
See this amazing woman? Her name is Ming-Zhu Hii, and she’s one of my clients. Here is what she said about DIY Magnificence: People – true to the pure transformational magic that Ms. Caine works on lives & businesses, DIY Magnificence has by FAR exceeded all expectations, and has sent me into a veritable dervish…
Drag queen fairy godmothers and an unquestioned assumption
Livia loved three things: the circus, Dita Von Teese and absurdist humour. In a blinding flash of inspiration she decided to bring her loves together with a lavish smear of the buffoonery of the Ancient Roman mimes and the cabaret. It would be a spectacle of tit tassels, raucous humour and bawdy fun. She named…
